


Oliver is forced to confront Felicity's pain

by KK1986



Category: Arrow (TV 2012)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-19
Updated: 2015-08-28
Packaged: 2018-04-15 15:04:59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 15,697
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4611252
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KK1986/pseuds/KK1986
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When a scientist creates a Rejection Drug, one that influences a person to feel such extreme rejection that the body will go into shock, and create severe psychological pain for anyone who has been exposed.  During a raid to stop this drug from reaching the black market, Felicity is injected and her reaction to it surprises Oliver to the point where he must confront his feelings....and his actions.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> So this has been in my head for awhile....so hopefully it's not TOO bad. I don't have a beta so anything horrible from plot to spelling, I'll totally own up to it. Again maybe its because I'm sick (physically! stupid cold) or that I'm into angst at the moment, I kind of wanted something that would show Oliver how much he hurt Felicity. On the show, you see the tears and the longing (so MUCH LONGING!) but I don't feel we ever got to see how deep that rejection or feelings that Felicity dealt with after. She always has to be happy and be the glue to everyone, and it didn't seem like Oliver took the time to really SEE her...if any of that made sense? Gotta love NyQuil. Anyway hope you all like it, or if you don't....that you don't hate it too much. This is just a one-shot, but should anyone wish I could be talked into another chapter.

“How are you still FUNCTIONING?” the scientist was mesmerized by Felicity, and the look on his face was one that was part incredulous, part frustration, and part scientist, like when an anomaly happens in an experiment no one planned for.

All Felicity did was give a small and sad smile to him, while he was being restrained by Digg and Roy.

“This is inconceivable! The serum should be working through your brain, nervous system, everything! You should be incapacitated and in pain! You should be broken and in agony! This is inconceivable!”

Felicity smirked “I don’t think that word means what you think it means…..But let me tell you something. Your sick experiments are over, and you will never be able to do this to anyone ever again. To force people to feel rejection on such a level that it makes want to die? Well here’s rejection, your wonder drug will never see the light of day, and you won’t be able to hurt anyone. You are so brilliant and you just threw it away…. ” 

“He needed to feel it and experience my pain! The rejection he caused after sending me those signals of love? My brilliance wasn’t wasted but magnified so that way justice could be done. Surely you understand that?! HE and all others needed to experience what it feels like to be so thoroughly thrown away, to know what it feels like to be pushed to the side when all you do is love them….” The man then got a quizzical look on his face and smiled. “That’s why YOU survived the injection while all others were left as a mess. It’s the only explanation.” Felicity immediately understood what he was saying, while Roy and Digg looked confused.

It was at that time Oliver came in to say their escape route was clear, and that SCPD was on their way. They needed to get out of there immediately, since the SCPD was again hunting them after the brief truce that they had ended. 

“Interesting there are so many possibilities now! I bet I could even tweak the formula so that way YOU even feel it. Or maybe you can come work with me….” The man began to implore Felicity while trying to get out of Roy and Digg’s hold.

“Are there any more vials of serum?!” The Arrow questioned while holding a ready arrow at the man.

“But YOU understand! YOU UNDERSTAND!!!! You should be HELPING me!” The man continued to implore Felicity. Oliver looked momentarily frustrated at being ignored and again confusion went through all her boys as to what wasn’t be said between Felicity and the scientist.

“Are there any more vials?” Felicity asked but this time she gave the scientist a pointed look, one she hoped convey that she wanted to work on his project. He seemed to buy it (thank you Sara for the lessons in lying!) so he told them where the other vials were hidden. Once finished, Oliver punched him to knock him out.

They all left as SCPD came to the scene to arrest the scientist and his goons for conducting unlawful experiments on people that they had kidnapped at random. It had been Felicity who first noticed a pattern of the kidnappings, that though the people taken varied in age, ethnicity, and gender, they all had a physical at a free clinic in the Glades. Only those deemed in excellent health were the ones that went missing. All kidnapped had the same physician and physician’s assistant as well, and when dug deeper, Felicity found that the physician had been working on a drug meant to induce a severe sense of rejection. So much so that a person would be in psychological pain while the drug was in the body’s system. After the toxicology came back on those that were found dead from shock due to the drug’s effects, Team Arrow was able to find out where the madman’s base of operations were located. However, his computer system was so closed off that Felicity needed to be there in order to get all the notes regarding the drug-that way STAR labs could create an antidote for those still effected or those that might be. However, the scientist’s assistant (a devoted follower in the cause for this drug) found Felicity and gave her a full dose while she was strapped on a table. That’s where Team Arrow found her, in the lab, but once the scientist was knocked out she was able to make a copy of all the notes, steal a vial of the drug, and shipped them off to STAR labs as quickly as possible.

In the Foundry, Roy, Digg, and Oliver continued to hover in case something went wrong with Felicity. Because what the scientist said had been true, no other cases had been documented yet that a person didn’t go into such a severe state of psychological rejection to not cause the person to be in extreme emotional pain. Sara then came down into the Foundry to check up on Felicity as well, she had helped Oliver taking care of the thugs surrounding the kidnapped people, and helping to administer the somewhat cure STAR labs had created. It was one that would alleviate the symptoms, but not fully cure the person injected. No one knew quite yet how long it took for the drug to exit the system, which is what Felicity was trying to figure out with Caitlin on the phone.

“How is she still herself?” Sara murmured while she joined the rest of Team Arrow in changing back into civilian clothing while staring at Felicity?

“Blondie is a complicated person- don’t you know that from her babbles?” Roy tried to joke, but it fell flat as everyone could see he was still worried about Felicity.

“The scientist kept going on about Felicity understanding. He said that she should understand why he did it…..that she DID understand….what could that mean?” Digg quietly asked, wanting to protect the woman he viewed as his little sister.

Oliver for his part just stared intensely at Felicity. He didn’t speak or participate in any of the speculation or discussion- just only stared. It was as if he was afraid that if he blinked, she would be gone.

“Thanks Caitlin!” Felicity breathed a sigh of relief. “That’s great news and I’ll make sure that Captain Lance is told about The Flash’s soon visit with the cure being dropped off at his desk. “ Felicity then melted in her chair letting out the tension she had been feeling regarding the poor people they had found. However, as Caitlin continued talking Felicity slowly sat back up. “Nope still me! How long till I’m not on drugs. WAIT! I mean no longer have any drugs within my system, since you know that I’m not ON drugs like that. I don’t do drugs at all- well except for that one pot brownie, but I landed in the ER so that experience made me say N.O. to drugs. Only other time I ever was on drugs was when Digg gave me his aspirins that I don’t think that’s what they were….” At this Felicity looks at Digg who gives her smile while Roy and Sara are chuckling. “Huh? Okay water and approximately 3 hours gotcha!”

“So everything is taken care of?” Sara asked once Felicity hung up her phone after talking with Caitlin and then Sara’s father, Captain Lance.

“Yep! Captain Lance said he got it as I was on the phone with him. So that’s all taken care of, and your dad told me everyone is at the hospital, the scientist is in jail and there is enough evidence to guarantee a conviction for him and his lackeys.” Felicity smiled.

“How are you feeling? Any side effects?” Digg gently asked Felicity, as she went back to work to figure out the names of all the scientist’s clients- people who paid for the Rejection Drug.

“Mmm….” Felicity was in the zone, but she recognized that the Team was fully staring at her. “Guys I’m okay no worries, but can you not stare at me? It’s kind of creeping me out, and I am trying to find out the names of the sick people who paid to get this drug. But yeah I feel like I’m in a zoo- which I HATE, because no matter what in all zoos in order to get out you have to stop by the freakin’ kangaroo exhibit. Creepy animals…..” Felicity then tried to get back to work, but it seemed they all wanted answers.

“Blondie that can wait. What did Caitlin say about the drug in your system and what did the guy mean saying you understood? Why are you able to still be you and not in pain?” Roy asked, and though Oliver STILL hadn’t moved or said anything, Oliver’s eyes narrowed at seeing Roy’s hand on Felicity’s shoulder.

Felicity refused to be deterred and was still in the zone, which explains why she spoke yet again without thinking. “Sorry Roy it REALLY can’t wait, because some of these people are high level in governments, companies, etc. Wonder why THEY would need a rejection drug- maybe for a company hostile takeover or a way to incapacitate your opponents? Egh. Anyway as soon as they hear that not only all vials are taken but that the main guy is in custody, they will cover their tracks so quickly. So no it can’t wait, but thanks for the concern. But the drug won’t really hurt me so it’s okay, I’m okay truly. I mean I can’t feel any worse than I do so it’s not like the drug can actually do anything. Caitlin said it would take about 3 ish hours to get out of my system, and that I should hydrate to help flush it out faster. “ She continued to hack without looking back.

“What do you mean worse than you already do?” Oliver frowned at hearing that during her ramble, and he wasn’t the only one to pick that one up.

“Guys I REALLY need to focus on this. I’ve been dealing with this…I mean dealt with it before…I mean…I just don’t want to talk about it and I need to concentrate okay? I know you guys care, but it’s fine.” Felicity stopped very briefly to look at her team and then she gave a meaningful look at Digg “I’m okay. I’ll get through this.” With that she went back to work, and didn’t see how the team now looked at Digg who now could be seen to understand everything, as well as look a bit sad for his friend. 

Roy then got a message from Thea, and reluctantly ran out of the room to go to her place. Even though Thea now knew of all of it, she saw the news report at home and worried. 

“Okay Felicity. Well I’m going to head on out to be with Lyla, and I think we all deserve to get some sleep. Good job guys.” Digg started to make his way up the stairs, when Oliver stopped him.

“How can you leave her right now?” Oliver growled in a low voice, so that way Felicity couldn’t hear.

“Drop it Oliver. She’ll be fine.” Digg stated with his neutral face and arms crossed. Sara had come over and joined in the conversation too.

“If something’s going on….she’s my friend….” Sara started, when Digg silenced them all.

“Look she said she’s fine, and that’s what we are going with. Sara didn’t you say you were supposed to hang with Laurel tonight? Go be with your sister. Okay?” Digg looked at her, and she at least knew in that moment that whatever Digg needed to say was for Oliver only.

“Okay. Goodnight guys….BYE FELICITY!” Sara yelled right by Oliver’s ear, causing Felicity to giggle when she turned to see Oliver’s expression. 

“Bye Sara! Tell Laurel I say Hi.”

With Sara gone, Digg made to go up the stairs, but Oliver still was trying to block him. With a sigh, Digg just nodded and then Oliver followed Digg up to his office in Verdant. As soon as the door closed, Oliver exploded.

“WHAT THE HELL IS THIS DIGG? What do you know?! “ Oliver was furious but he had no reason why he should be furious. It just irked him that Felicity had confided in Digg, and that Digg knew something that Oliver did not. Was it childish? Yes, but at the moment Oliver didn’t care. Digg on the other hand had a knowing look on his face, that Oliver Digg knew he was being irrational and jealous at the moment.

“She said she was fine.”

“NO. She SAID that the drug couldn’t make her feel worse. What happened? Why is she feeling worse? Did something happen? And why did she tell you but not ME?” Oliver began pacing the room.

“Man. Trust me when I say you don’t want to know and are not able to hear it. Firstly, you should be having this talk with Felicity and not me. Two, it will only make you feel worse….so drop it man.”

Oliver deflated and dropped to his chair. “Tell me. I can’t help but need answers right now. I don’t care if it hurts, but I NEED to know she’ll be okay. She shouldn’t be able to exist at this time, the others were in so much pain and yet she looks like normal Felicity. The others…..I’m scared we leave and that’s what will happen. “

Digg knew he shouldn’t say anything, because mainly Felicity has only vaguely confirmed any of Digg’s observations and suspicions. She was his friend, his little sister, but on the other hand Oliver was his friend and brother too. Caught in between what he should and shouldn’t say, it was Oliver’s broken look that got to Digg.

Digg took a deep breath and looked to Oliver. “Are you sure man? What is said cannot be undone. If you want this, then you will listen to it all. It’s all or nothing. But it will hurt.” When Oliver just shook his head in agreement, Digg also demanded “and you will NOT kick her off the team, push her away more than you have, or do anything like that or I WILL walk….got it?”

“What do you mean more than I have?”

Digg just looked at Oliver with an eyebrow raised that seemed to state ‘do I look like I’m stupid you dumbass?’

“Okay I’m ready to hear it all.”  
Digg shook his head slightly. “No you aren’t, but maybe this will be good for you to know. It’s no secret that Felicity has feelings for you, and don’t even give me that face like you want to speak- you will shut up and listen. We ALL KNOW that she has feelings for you and …..that you have feelings for her. That you refuse to act on them. However, I also know about what happened between you and Isabel in Russia, as well as what you told Felicity about not being with someone you care about. Don’t look so shocked, of course she would tell me….after a bottle of wine and me nagging her about why she is sad.”

With that Oliver looked down to the ground and Digg could feel the regret about what happened in Russia.

“So let’s recap shall we? You tell her that you CAN’T be with anyone you care about due to the life you lead correct?” Digg looks to Oliver to answer.

Oliver just barely nods.

“Then Sara comes back, and you begin a relationship with her. Someone you care about….correct?”

With that, Oliver looks like he was told there was no Santa, so much sadness but he again nods slowly to answer Digg’s question. Digg can see Oliver knows where this is headed.

“So tell me. What can be any worse rejection than having the man you love constantly not only hook up with other women, but then blatantly cast you aside when after saying no to any form of real relationship, he begins to get with his ex-girlfriend?”

Oliver moves to talk but all he can do is just open his mouth open and close. 

“Look man I get it. You want her safe, but what you are doing? Is it making her ANY safer? Since how many times has she been injured or hurt since you’ve been with Sara or any woman? Pushing her away does nothing but hurt you both, but HER especially! I know you and Sara are over, but it doesn’t take away the fact that right after you told Felicity that you couldn’t be with anyone, you went right for Sara. Making it clear to Felicity that the man she loves and believes in…..” Digg paused.

“What Digg? Tell me.”

“That the man she loves and believes in……doesn’t love or believe in her back.” 

Oliver looked broken and then rage took over. He swiped out everything from his desk, and he flipped his desk over. He yelled and threw his chair. It was as if the pain and anger in him couldn’t be contained, and though Digg was ready for this reaction, he moved out of the way of destruction. Letting Oliver get it out of his system, because Oliver needed to hear one more thing once he calmed down. Oliver began calming down, but had just fallen to the ground on his knees, and tried hard not to cry. He messed up so badly.

“Oliver I know you aren’t a talk from your heart, embrace your feelings kind of guy. I get it, and I understand what you were doing. I never agreed with it, but I got it. Now YOU have to get it. Felicity was given a FULL DOSE of the rejection drug, only for it not to phase her. That’s why she said she couldn’t feel any worse, because the level of emotional pain the drug creates….Felicity has been CONSTANTLY feeling since Russia- maybe even before. I don’t know what you should or shouldn’t do. All I know is that if you go down there to Felicity and do something impulsive without thinking it through…..you will have done something the drug wasn’t able to do. Something only YOU are able to do.” Digg said gently to his friend while putting a reassuring hand on his shoulder.

Oliver just stared up at Digg with tears in his eyes “What is that?”

Digg said it so softly that Oliver strained to hear, “You could break her. Sometimes I think you already have….” With that Digg left, knowing his friend needed time to process everything. He only could hope that Oliver finally listened, and did something he hadn’t done since Digg met him, have the courage to act on his feelings instead of react to the fear.


	2. Oliver's Pain/Understanding

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Oliver now begins to come to understand the extent of the pain he has inflicted on Felicity, as well as how he didn't know her as well as he thought. While Tommy and Digg talk over a supposedly unconscious Oliver regarding Felicity's past, Oliver can only lay down and listen to it all. Will this FINALLY get through to him about the extent of damage that was done?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So more angst....SORRY....okay not completely sorry. Yes I heard all your wonderful pleas for more, and I want to say thank you all so much for reading and commenting! This chapter is more going in-depth into Oliver actually empathizing with Felicity...at least that is my intention! In effect we learn a bit more about Felicity's issues, or maybe just restate them for Oliver to finally get it through his head....egh *shrugs* There WILL be an ending so no worries, and it will end with Olicity!
> 
> As always I own up to my mistakes (unlike Oliver ahem) since there is no beta, and so I am actually sorry for any horribleness that occurs: spelling, grammar, etc. Please continue to comment, as I do take all those into account! Even if you hate it- let me know since I would greatly dislike to leave something up that people didn't like....not if I could change it for better. Yes since this is AU I did mess with the timeline a bit. Okay hope you will enjoy!

Oliver didn’t leave his office in Verdant the entire night, after what Digg said all Oliver could do was breakdown and cry. It was like the emotional pain he had fought so hard to avoid, like not pursuing Felicity in case it did not work out or she be injured, all those walls came crumbling down. Oliver briefly wondered around 3 am if this was the type of emotional pain the rejection drug creates, because he finds it unbearable. Unbearable that the woman he completely loves feels THIS horrible ALL. THE. TIME. She honestly believes that Oliver doesn’t love her or believe in her? How could she not know, Oliver thought, but then his own mind decided instead of an answer, to play a flashback montage of all the decisions he made pushing Felicity away....he replayed the flash of hurt on Felicity’s face or the forced smile over and over in his head. How can he fix this? Does he want to fix this? Oliver had so many doubts and thoughts swirling around in his head that he didn’t hear that anyone came into his office until Tommy gasped.

“Oliver what the hell man?! Are you okay? What happened?” Tommy was frightened as he had never seen his friend like this, so broken, Oliver hadn’t been this bad: pre-island, post-island, post-Undertaking, none of it. Oliver’s clothes were crumpled, his eyes were bloodshot, and the overall look was one of unending sadness. What could make Oliver this broken? Tommy thought. However, before he asked Oliver began to speak.

“I….Felicity had full dose of the rejection drug….and…and….” Oliver was slurring his words due to the empty vodka bottle in his hand and zero sleep.

“Oliver man what happened? Laurel told me that Felicity was fine. Did anything happen to Felicity?” That would explain everything, Tommy thought. Tommy knew that very few things could break Oliver and really it came down to one thing- family, and Felicity was definitely family. 

Oliver gave a bitter laugh and tried to drink more vodka from the empty bottle before throwing it away. It was then that Tommy fully stopped and realized the condition of the office. He had been so focused on Oliver that he didn’t really process how this entire room had been trashed beyond repair, as if a personal wrecking crew was on a mission of destruction. 

“Oh yeah she’s FINE” Oliver gave another bitter laugh while placing emphasis on the word ‘fine’ along with air quotes.

“Dude. I don’t understand. Isn’t it a good thing she didn’t get injured or worse from whatever drug you guys were stopping?” Tommy knew something must have happened, but was clueless as to what. The last he heard was last night from Laurel at their apartment, Felicity had been given a powerful drug but was completely okay, at least that was according to Sara who told Laurel last night during dinner. However, Oliver was not behaving as if Felicity was fine, he was acting as if Felicity died or something. Tommy needed more information and there was only one other person besides Felicity who had insight into Oliver Queen’s psyche. Tommy dialed and was hoping that the other person answered the phone as it kept ringing and ringing.

“Hey Tommy. I’m guessing you are seeing or have seen Oliver?” Digg replied with a weary sigh.

“What happened? I’m at Verdant…”

“He never went home? How does he look?”

“Digg. (Tommy took a deep breath in and blew out trying to calm himself down after seeing Oliver.) Man I don’t know what happened. He’s drunk, the office looks like it got hit by The Undertaking, he’s depressed, but I can barely make out what is going on. Do you know?”

“Damn….I’m coming over.”

Within 20 minutes Digg came hurrying into Verdant while talking on the phone.

“No Felicity he’s fine. No you stay at the office.” Digg came into the office and saw Oliver passed out on the floor.

“Yeah Felicity. I got this. Why don’t you take the night off, I think we all deserve a day off after yesterday.” At whatever Felicity had said Digg began to smile, and then hung up the phone.

Digg and Tommy dragged Oliver to one side of the office, and got to work on fixing up the room that had been completely trashed by Oliver’s frustration and anger. Digg struggled with the decision on what to tell Tommy, but after seeing Oliver, Digg decided that Oliver could use a more 3rd party friend to help him out. So Digg told Tommy everything, most things Tommy saw coming like Oliver and Felicity’s chemistry, but when confronted with the truth that the rejection drug did nothing- Tommy gasped. He somewhat knew of Felicity’s feelings because after the Undertaking, Tommy and Felicity became friends while Oliver ran away to Lian Yu for failing to save the whole city. Tommy told Digg some more of what Felicity had told him (again multiple glasses of wine were involved) about everything after Russia and when Sara came on board. Both men stopped and just began comparing notes, how much did they know about Felicity Smoak? Tommy didn’t admit it, but he was hoping to find something else that might have been causing Felicity pain so that it all wasn’t on Oliver. Digg understood immediately, and he did say that not everything was on Oliver, but that he also needed to recognize and own up to his decisions. 

“I agree with you Digg. It’s not all on Oliver though. Now that I think about it though, I don’t know too much about Felicity’s family. I mean I met her mom briefly last time she visited, but I only got vague details about Felicity growing up. “

“Yeah she had it rough. She was extremely close to her father, but when she was little her father stepped out on the family. Leaving Felicity and her mother all on their own. Donna worked so hard to give a good life to Felicity, but those first years after he left were brutal. Felicity reminded Donna so much of her dad, that Donna emotionally pushed away Felicity in the beginning. Kids at school would belittle Felicity’s intelligence as she was a genius in public school, and so growing up in Vegas was a nightmare, never feeling like she belonged. Then in MIT she had Cooper who we know how THAT worked out, but at that time in her mind, anyone who loves her always leaves. Other men in her life have either just not cared enough to commit or broke Felicity’s trust in them. You wouldn't think it, but Felicity has been demeaned so much by so many people, including even her bosses when she did the IT Department in QC. All her ideas and works were given credit to others and never to her, but she just accepted, since that has been what she's done her whole life- just accept it wouldn't work in her favor. Felicity said the only time she ever felt like she belonged and was 'home' was this like of Team Arrow and even QC work as an EA....being with Oliver and all of us. With as much as she wears her emotions, she keeps her deep feelings close to the vest. “ Digg stopped because even though no one ever has a perfect life, he wished that Felicity at least had a better one than she was dealt. It always amazes him to see the strong independent woman stand toe to toe with a vigilante, yet so delicate and fragile that she’s easily broken.

“Wow. I….I never….I never knew. I mean she was just always Felicity. This brilliant babbling blonde that was the only one who could make Oliver smile.” Tommy didn’t know how to feel, but at the last part of his statement both men looked upon the sleeping form of Oliver.

Oliver was sure that Tommy nor Diggle knew that Oliver had been well awake and aware of his surroundings since Tommy had stepped into the office. Oliver was hearing everything, and it hurt even more the second time around because Oliver heard Tommy’s reactions as well. It also tested his patience to fake that he was sleeping, since upon hearing more of Felicity’s background and her own issues, it made Oliver want to destroy the office again. So here he sat in his own anguish not wanting to face his two friends, two brothers really, because Oliver KNEW that he took part in Felicity’s pain. Sure maybe not the entirety of it, but a big chunk of her heartbreak was brought on by one Oliver Queen. 

“What are we going to do about Oliver?” Tommy glanced at Diggle.

“I really don’t know. I feel for them both. I understand what Oliver did, as I told him that I may not agree with it, I understood it. But…” Digg just paused and gave a loud sigh.

“What Digg?” Tommy asked. “Is there anything else I should know or Oliver should know? I get you are protecting your little sister/best friend, but if Oliver has any chance in hell at fixing this….all information is needed. “ Tommy gives a small smile to Digg “well as soon as he’s sober we can tell him at least.”

Digg chuckled, but then sobered up quickly. Digg was a man of honor and loyalty, and this whole thing was a long time coming that’s true, but it made it tricky of what to say. Finally he made a decision, since he knew that Oliver was pretend sleeping (that boy needs some acting classes or something) and actually paying attention, maybe this is the best way to tell Oliver.

“Okay Tommy I’ll just tell you what I’ve observed and know to be fact. You weren’t there in the very beginning, but Felicity was not a good actress about her attraction to Oliver. She would blush and giggle and just stare at him….especially while he worked out. (Tommy and Digg laugh at that for a moment.) Once I finally gained her trust and she gained mine, we got to talking, and normally anything to do with her feelings required a 2-3 bottle minimum….only 1 bottle minimum if it was ready to burst from her chest. Anyway I asked her about it, and she replied it was a harmless crush, because Oliver could never look at her like he did: Laurel, McKenna, Helena,….”

“Yeah my boy sure did get with lots of ladies after the island” Tommy stated sadly since one of them included Laurel.

“She kept saying that it was obvious she wasn’t Oliver’s type, that it was unthinkable for Oliver to view her that way, so no harm in her crush. Then there began to be all these looks between them, and the air between Oliver and Felicity would just crackle with electricity. At that point, she told me she loved Oliver (Oliver quietly gasps but only Digg notices) but that it was all unrequited, because again how could Oliver Queen love Felicity Smoak? Then touching on shoulders or little things like that were happening more and more. Felicity never told me, but I saw….she went against her analytical logical default and allowed for hope to grow. Unfortunately, in Russia, Felicity goes to Oliver’s room….”

“So they DID hook up!” Tommy is gleeful.

“To find Isabel walking out after Oliver slept with her. (Tommy gives a groan of disappointment and looks at the ground.) She told me later that she talked to Oliver about it, that he deserved to be with someone that he could love and love him back. Merlyn I never saw her so heartbroken until Sara.”

“Why Sara? I mean she saw him with Isabel, and the parade of other women before…..” Tommy winced as he realized what he said.

“Yeah there were women. When Felicity talked with Oliver, he told her that due to the life he lives, he can’t be with someone he cares about. Not long after, Sara came into the Team and Oliver immediately began a relationship with her.” Digg notices that Oliver’s scrunched up his forehead as if replaying those horrible moments and a tear can be seen going from his eye. “Look Oliver had the right to live his life the way he want to, but I think it was Sara’s involvement that just shattered Felicity’s hope of ever being with Oliver. Right now she’s been dealing with it, in her mind she sees that Oliver cares about her like a friend or a sister, and that he has absolutely no romantic feelings for her. In her mind Oliver doesn’t love her or see her as anything special, other than as an IT girl/good friend.”

“But that’s ridiculous Ollie loves her! Anyone can see that! She’s the genius who always seems to know what he is thinking or feeling before even himself. She has to know!” Tommy exclaimed, but calmed down as Digg gave him a grave look.

“Would you believe? If you were her? After being constantly let-down, ignored, belittled, betrayed, and people always leaving for all of your life….would you ever consider the possibility that the person you love, a person who was with multiple people in front of you, could ever truly love you? Or better yet, you have hope at the slim possibility of a relationship only for that person to go to another, immediately after stating that person couldn't be with someone they care about….wouldn’t that destroy any positive perspectives regarding your relationship with that person?” Digg questioned Tommy, and Tommy softly nodded his head. (Oliver's face is wet with his silent tears as he hears all of this)

“She doesn’t see herself clearly when it comes to Oliver. She understands who she is in regards to: me, you, Thea, Sara, Roy, and even Laurel! However with him, she sees herself as less than what she really is, and it’s a fault of both of theirs. Both allowing themselves to react only to the negative thoughts and emotions such as doubt and fear. Both refuse to take that leap of faith when you tell someone you love them and hope to have them say it back. Without honestly talking about it ALL, they can only go off of the actions of the other. In this case, Oliver clearly choosing all women over Felicity…..” (At this point it takes all of Oliver's restraint to not sob out loud.)

“Damn….how do we tell him? I mean if for whatever reason he decides to declare his love do you think Felicity would believe him?” Tommy wondered out loud. Digg noticed that after Tommy’s question, Oliver stopped breathing- he wanted to hear what Digg’s answer would be. Digg knew he would not like it.

“Knowing her? She probably would think that Oliver either hit his head or was injected with some drug. Would insist of physicals and blood tests to make sure nothing was wrong. Then she would keep asking Oliver why? Why NOW? Why not THEN? Why did he change his mind? Also what happened to bring this on? Is it because Sara is with Nyssa and he’s lonely? Is it because of all their friends being paired off in couples? Basically….she most likely wouldn’t believe him….or I should say wouldn’t LET herself believe him. Not until he passed all physicals showcasing that he is acting on his own free will. She would doubt it THAT MUCH, to the point she finds it easier to believe Oliver is drugged than he loves her. And if she were to let herself believe? Do you really think Oliver would be able to answer all those questions? Would he be able to explain himself, or would he close up?” Digg just shook his head.

“They are perfect for each other, and it’s just….I understand everything I do. I agree that’s what Felicity would do, and Oliver would shut down making this 100 times worse. Still…why can’t they be together and happy? Digg. They would be so freakin’ happy!” Tommy actually has tears in his eyes for his best friend.

“Tommy I don’t either think they deserve happiness. For Oliver it’s about his time away, and his need to atone for his sins. For Felicity, she never got to really experience happiness long term for relationships, for her it’s always ended horribly. So in her mind, she doesn’t deserve happiness for all her shortcomings that others have told her, or it's just better to not believe in getting happiness as it always ends horribly with a broken heart.” Digg stopped and looked at Oliver’s twitching. Digg noticed Oliver would get more antsy when Felicity was brought up about how she feels undeserving. Good, Dig thought, maybe this boy will finally man up and do something about it.

Oliver took a deep breath and opened his eyes. Slowly he sat up to see a knowing Digg and a shocked Tommy, with Tommy being surprised at the site of his best friend, Oliver Queen, now full on sobbing. Tommy goes to Oliver and hugs him, while Oliver keeps chanting "I have to make this right. This isn't how it should be." After 5 minutes, Oliver has fully calmed down and both Tommy and Digg view this as a breakthrough, Oliver allowed himself to feel to the point of being vulnerable. After awhile Oliver is still stands causing the other two men to stand as well, with that Oliver looks at the men and pleads "Help me fix this? I have to tell her how sorry I am, that I didn't want to cause her pain, but by sparing MY pain I created even more for her. She needs to know that I understand how badly I screwed up. She needs to know that I. LOVE. HER. with everything I am and everything I have. She's the woman for me, and in my stupidity I pushed her away so far that there's no hope for her to ever love me again.....Please....Help" Oliver says the last word in a whisper. 

Tommy and Digg look at each other and nod their heads to Oliver's pleas. However, Digg stopped Oliver from talking by putting up a hand, because Digg needed to make something clear to Oliver before anything else could continue.

"Man it will be HARD for you. It will require you explaining your actions and discussing your emotions in-depth. Are you SURE? This is important right now Oliver. As of this moment, Felicity has NO CLUE that you know ANYTHING. She has been able to pass herself off as bubbly and bright for a long time, and she could find a way to cope with this too. She would move on from you and the possibility of any romantic relationship with you Oliver. You would continue to have Felicity be your IT girl/partner but that would be all there is, because she will have written off any possibility in which you could love her like that. It's possible she could meet someone and settle down (Oliver growls and narrows his eyes at that statement) I have no clue if she would be happier or not. I think she would only truly be happy with is you, but that's my opinion. So Oliver you need to think about this and be 100% completely sure. This is will be a fight, it will possibly take a long time, it's not something you can smile or just say you love her and go off to your happy ending. IF you decide to fight for her, for your relationship, then this is your moment- but so help me Oliver if you change your mind later on due to some villain, fear, doubt, or even a kidnapping I WILL kill you. There is NO turning back once you commit to this, and though I believe in your mission, I will walk if you hurt Felicity. Before you were ignorant so I couldn't hold it against you, but this time your eyes are open and you KNOW your actions impact others. So I'll ask you a final time.....ARE. YOU. SURE?" Digg stared intently at Oliver.

"I'm sure."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *Hiding under the covers hoping the readers don't hate her*


	3. Thea finds out and Operation: Olicity is born!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> When Digg and Tommy bring an unconscious Oliver to the loft, they are met with a frantic Thea. After cluing in Thea as to what they are hoping to accomplish, Thea has her own ideas- she's calling in the cavalry!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always I own up to all horribleness with spelling, grammar, plot holes, etc.
> 
> So I view this chapter as more as a transition, hence why it's kind of REALLY short- sorry. It's also one where I have so many ideas on what could be done that my head was spinning! Annddd.....since ALL of you have been SO SO supportive, I figured I could make this somewhat interactive in a way. If this was your friend, what would YOU suggest. Can't guarantee that I'll use all ideas, but am hoping to incorporate as much as possible. Afterall, this is as much your story as it is mine!

As soon as Oliver told Digg that he was sure in his pursuit for Felicity, and fixing the mess he had created, Oliver realized how easy those words came to him. There were no doubts about loving Felicity, no insecurities, and suddenly all his ‘noble’ excuses disappeared when threaten with the very real possibility of losing any chance of a real relationship with Felicity. Tommy and Digg of course were on board, but no one really knew what Oliver could do to fix this.

“First things first buddy. Shower because you seriously reek of alcohol. Next we are getting some food in you so you can sober up. You have to be at the top of your game for Operation Olicity,” Tommy smiled.

“Olicity?” Digg and Oliver simultaneously asked.

“Oh good lord. Do I REALLY have to explain ship names? Fine. Olicity is a mashup of Oliver and Felicity, and since this is a mission that I can be part of, I’m going to insist on a mission name. Hence, Olicity.” Tommy stated matter of fact.

“Alright I can get behind that Merlyn. Afterall I was the captain of the Olicity ship way before you came on the scene” Digg winked at Tommy who then began laughing, while poor Oliver was still out of it as well as confused as hell.

“What….ship? Huh?” Oliver slurred a bit with his body catching up on having zero sleep.

“Okay first things first. We need to sneak you home before the press, Felicity, or really anyone we know sees you,” Tommy said while he and Digg helped Oliver walk to the blacked out SUV.

Oliver began to feel the effects of really the last 24 hours catching up to him, and so he was practically unconscious when Digg and Tommy were able to carry him to his room. Unfortunately getting in undetected was not in the cards, as Thea had arrived just as Tommy and Digg were carrying an unconscious Oliver through the front door.

“What the hell happened? Is he okay? I thought we all had the night off and there was to be no patrolling? Wait….am I smelling alcohol?” Thea had begun to rant in her fear about her brother getting hurt, only for a confused look to come on her face as she smelled the alcohol on Oliver.

“Will tell you later Thea once he’s in bed, this dude is HEAVY” Tommy was gasping and having issues, while Digg looked like picking up his part of Oliver was a breeze.

“Sure sure. Let me get the door, and then we are ALL going to talk” Thea left no room for argument.

Once Oliver was asleep on top of his bed, Tommy, Digg, and Thea went to the living room to go over everything that happened with Oliver.

Thea had tears in her eyes and even sobbed briefly when both men told the story about Felicity with the rejection drug, as well as a more detailed history regarding Felicity and her brother. Thea had known about their chemistry, but not to this extent, and she was shocked that she never picked up on Felicity’s heartache. To be fair though, only after Oliver clued Thea in on being The Arrow (later Thea found it was due to Felicity’s nagging) Thea tried to learn as much about her brother’s new life, as well as the blonde that helped bring back Oliver’s smile and forced him to be truthful to her. Thea had enough of secrets, but she was always grateful to Felicity for her part in making sure Thea knew the truth, from Malcolm being Thea’s father to Oliver’s secret identity. Once Digg began to explain what happened with Oliver, once he finally had faced facts regarding his behavior and actions, this time Thea did cry hard. She hated the fact her brother was in so much pain, but even she realized that he did bring this on himself, but she finally smiled once both men said that Oliver was willing to fight for Felicity. 

“Okay so what’s the plan for Operation: Get Felicity and Oliver together?” Thea asked.

“Actually we are calling it Operation: Olicity,” Tommy stated proudly which only made Digg and Thea laugh.

“Oooo ship name! Awesome!” Thea actually began clapping, and getting giddy as she finally can put her manipulation talents to good use.

“Okay first things first though. You both did a really good thing getting Oliver to understand his douchebag ways, and to clue him in on his messed up thinking. However……you both are SO out of your depth, you are going to need reinforcements. Mainly me, Laurel and Lyla” Thea straightened her back while both guys looked flabbergasted.

“No offense Thea, but I did pretty good on my own with my love life” Digg said neutrally but did cross his arms.

“Uh yeah. Sure just keep telling yourself that, since you not only got divorced but then it took a mission in Russia to push you two fools back together. Yes you are a regular Don Juan” Thea smirked while Digg resisted to pout at the valid point Thea made.

“Don’t get me started on you Merlyn. Yes I like that you ended up with Laurel, but it took Oliver ‘dying at sea’ in order for you to FINALLY make your move. So….just shut your mouth before you say anything” Thea was smug as Tommy shut his mouth with an audible click.

“And how are YOU suppose to be any help Thea? You got together with your boyfriend after he robbed you….not exactly the expert to be handing out advice,” Tommy smugly replied while Digg just nodded his head in support.

“Yeah but I AM an expert in Oliver. We need Laurel since she is THE expert in Ollie’s douchebag ways pre-island and how to make it up to Felicity. And Lyla would be a great asset as she puts up with NONE of Ollie’s crap, and it would just be fun! “ Digg rose his eyebrow at that last statement about Lyla, but he did try to hide what looked like a smirk.

“Also Lyla would be good as a more 3rd party observer. She’s the newest and has the more neutral eyes when it comes to Oliver. Tommy, Laurel and I have history and Digg- you are too close to Oliver to see things that any of us may miss. If we want to do this right, we have to treat it like a mission, which requires using all the resources that you have at your disposal,” Thea crossed her own arms to show the famous Ice Queen persona she uses on sexist suppliers who don’t take her on her word. She respected these men, but when it came to women, their history was a little too shaky to be giving Oliver advice.

Digg always to the point, “Okay when do we start this. “

“How about tomorrow? Give Oliver the day to rest and get his head on straight?” Tommy suggested.

“Good thinking. You both need to ask Laurel and Lyla to come over tomorrow night. You each can fill them in on Operation: Olicity and everything that happened, since we will need to get to work tomorrow. We will meet here, but what should we tell Felicity? She’s going to notice something is off….” Thea started to scrunch her face while thinking of what they could say.

“Well what about this? Digg wants some family time, Laurel and I are doing an anniversary thing, and you and Oliver need some sibling bonding time since you only ever see him in the lair. We don’t have to worry about Sara or Nyssa since they left tonight for some League thing, and Roy can be in charge of the club which also means he can distract Felicity if needed. Felicity will back off if we all have something like that right?.....what?” Tommy was proud of what he suggested but then began to worry when Thea began to get sad.

“It’s a great suggestion, it’s just..... you are right Digg. We all have paired off, so she may think that Oliver is just lonely…it’s so sad but damn this WILL be hard,” Thea stated but saw Digg and Tommy nodding at her thinking.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What would YOU suggest to Oliver on what he should do? Or if you had the ability to yell at the writers ;)


	4. Oliver has a Plan

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I own up to all things horrible that occur within this chapter- so very sorry. 
> 
> Thank you all so SO much for your support and continue love for this story. It's coming to a close soon, but it may just be one or two more chapters left. Always feel free to leave any comments or reviews, because I do listen and try to make my stories better with each chapter. Hope you like it! Also apparently it's not letting me do Italics....so sorry about that!

The first thing Oliver realized when he woke up was that this hangover was going to be the death of him, with his mouth dry, brains beating the bongos in his head, eyes unable to see as it’s all bleary, and then Oliver remember WHY he started to drink last night. 

Nope, he thought, THIS will be the death of me. This heartache for what I did to the woman I love.

After showering and taking some aspirin, he felt a little bit better and decided to go to the kitchen to see if he could get some coffee in him to help sober him up more. When Oliver entered the kitchen he expected many things, like half a pot of coffee left over from Thea or maybe to get the frozen waffles out the freezer, but a full on Intervention complete with: Thea, Tommy, Digg, Lyla, and Laurel. It seemed the only people missing were Sara, Nyssa and Roy, but Oliver remembered Sara and Nyssa were off for the League. If Thea was here it meant Roy had to be at the club, but Oliver was weary of the intense stares he was getting from his loved ones…..they were not all happy stares let me tell you that.

“Ooookay what’s going on?” Oliver was cautious as when he had stepped into the living room everyone had stopped to stare at him.

“Well brother mine. WE are all here to help YOU with the mess you made. Though at least you finally own up to the fact you made this mess…..so there is that,” Thea sassed but hugged Oliver.

“Why is everyone here though?” Oliver caught Laurel’s eye as her eyebrow went up at his insinuation.

“Well I am HERE to help out Felicity as her hearts been broken however many times due to you,” Laurel noticed how Oliver seemed to crumple a bit with that statement so she added, “AND you are my friend too. So yes I am here to help my ex-boyfriend who cheated on me with not only multiple women but my own sister, to get together with one of my best friends. Don’t ask me to go more in-depth because the lawyer in me wants to smack myself for that statement and the fact that I mean every word.”

Tommy looked at Laurel with adorning eyes, “And we love you too Laurel. Also we need all the help we can get. Especially from you ladies” with that Tommy pointed individually to Thea, Lyla and Laurel.

“Alright before we can go into solutions, we need to know the problem” Lyla was caring but had a no nonsense tone.

“Well Babe I told you how Oliver….” Digg began but stopped at Lyla’s expression.

“Yes…dear….I know what YOU said. I know what I just heard from Tommy, Laurel and Thea. But I need to hear everything from Oliver too. Because I have a feeling we don’t know the whole story, or there’s at least some part that’s been hurting Oliver more than being told Felicity loves him.” Lyla knew that even though Oliver was hungover and looking horrible, she saw a flash of guilt cross Oliver’s face besides regret.

Oliver stalled when he got his coffee, and he was debating whether to share this or not. He knew that Felicity had not told anyone else, though he had a feeling Laurel had guessed due to her comment regarding Felicity. On the one hand Oliver didn’t want to share, but these were the people who loved him and wanted to help so…..

“I know that face and STOP now.” Surprisingly it was Tommy that looked angry and not Digg who obviously had caught up to what Tommy saw. 

“Digg gave you a choice earlier. You said that you were ‘sure’ and that you were willing to fight for Felicity. That face you have on is one where you are thinking about just what you can say to spin something in your favor, or just enough to not be in so much trouble. You’ve been using that face since you were in diapers. Now fess up to EVERYTHING or we are just wasting our time here.” Tommy looked pissed while Laurel touched his hand, and when Tommy turned he saw Laurel’s eyes shining with love and pride.

“This is why I’m here Oliver. I’m more neutral. Yes I care about you and Felicity, but I see things that others may miss. Now you showed guilt….what happened?” Lyla saw Oliver squeeze his eye shut in pain, and though her heart went out to him, he needed an ARGUS agent not a friend at the moment.

“Well during Slade, when he took Felicity…..it was part of a plan…..” Oliver looked to Laurel, but it was Digg who caught on to what was said.

“Yes you had Felicity….” Digg was stopped when Lyla slapped at his arm.

“NO! I don’t want to hear from anyone other than Oliver. HE must be the one to say this. Not everyone figure it out, but Oliver YOU have to say this. If you can’t do this now, how can you hope to do this with Felicity? And she won’t show you the kindness of waiting like we are for answers; she will walk and leave you.” Lyla refused to acknowledge anyone else in the room but just stared Oliver down.

“You’re right. “ Oliver began taking deep breaths and rubbing his fingers together like he does when he’s stressed or nervous. If he wants to be with Felicity, he has to do this without any reservations, and he has to be able to say the whole truth- no matter how hard it is to relive.

“Lyla’s right. When Slade came to Starling I noticed he had placed cameras all along the manor. When I knew he abducted Laurel ….I made a plan that I knew would lead to his downfall because he wouldn’t expect it. So…..so…..I took Felicity to the manor where I knew Slade would be watching, and I orchestrated for her to be the one kidnapped instead…” Oliver looked pained and began to take deep breaths.

“Yes we all know this Ollie!” Tommy was getting impatient, but then shut his mouth with an audible click as he saw Lyla give Tommy her best “don’t mess with me” face.

“Yeah….but what you don’t know is that Felicity had no idea that this was my plan. I took her to the manor and told her that Slade tried to take the woman I love. When she said that Slade succeeded in taking Laurel, I told Felicity he took the wrong woman…..then I….told her I loved her. Then snuck the syringe in her hand after a second, and THAT’S when she figured out the plan” Oliver said the last part in a near whisper as he took in his friends faces. 

Thea who now had a HORRIFIED expression on her face, and her hand went up to her mouth as she gasped. Laurel just looked completely sad, her heart going out to Felicity to deal with that. Yes she knew Oliver tricked Slade by using Felicity, but she had no idea that Felicity had NO CLUE about it. Tommy looked to be in shock and not processing. And Digg….

“How DARE you…you SONOFABITCH!” Digg then got in one good hook that took Oliver by surprise, or not really by surprise but due to the hangover; Oliver didn’t have the reflexes to get away. 

“You KNEW how she felt! She covered for you- you know this right? She’s been saying that she was in on it, and it was all so you could save face! Gaww I want to hit you so much right now” Digg finally taking a step back with Lyla’s urging.

“I didn’t have to say I loved her for the plan to work. By saying I took the wrong woman that would have been enough for Slade, but in that moment, it just felt right…..but then after Slade I got scared about how enemies would target her to get to me.” Oliver quietly stated while looking at the ground but every once in a while glancing at his friends. 

“Yes. That’s true. It was a perfect plan and executed flawlessly. You needed Felicity to not know if order to sell the story to Slade correct? So from a tactical standpoint it makes absolute sense that you not tell Felicity until the very last moment.” Lyla looked on in a calm voice, and Oliver saw that Digg was begrudgingly conceding that Lyla brought up a valid point.

“However, you just pointed out what was the real cause of Felicity’s pain. It wasn’t the plan. Knowing her she was have agreed to it to save Laurel or really save anyone. The fear of Slade hurting her did have you pushing her away emotionally, and again that makes absolute sense after everything you experienced. I believe Felicity even acknowledges that, but none of that matters…..do you know why?” Lyla asked and she saw that Oliver had no clue.

“Ollie. You said you loved her. She believed for a second that you loved her liked she loves you. That second was enough to raise her hope, and completely destroy her heart once she realized it’s a ruse. So now how can she believe you when you say that you love her…..when the last time she heard it, that was all to trick Slade. Did you tell her you meant it?” Thea questioned and gave a big sigh when Oliver shook his head no. He never told Felicity that he loved her.

“Dammit!” Tommy’s loud proclamation got everyone jumping a bit and then staring at him. “It’s just. I don’t know what we can do to help, or what CAN be done. Ollie I love you like a brother, and in a way you kinda are since Thea is our genetic link, but damn I didn’t know you screwed up this much. Yes you could have done worse, and I’ve seen you DO worse to women in the past, but….wait….wait a minute. Did she ever ask you if you meant it?” Tommy looked at Oliver with equal amounts of disappointment and hope, but one look at Oliver’s face had Tommy’s hope disappearing.

“When her and Digg came to get me from the island. She said that I really sold it, and that she believed me for a second. I….I didn’t know what to say! What could I say?! All I could think of is that she deserves better than me. I mean I went to an island that has been nothing but hell for me just to get away that is not good coping skills. So all I could say was nothing.” Oliver took a deep breath and continued on. He saw Lyla silently encouraging him to continue, and Oliver has to admit it feels good and painful to say this all out loud. “When I didn’t say anything, she then made a joke about how unthinkable we were. That’s it.”

“See Oliver? That’s what we needed to know in order to know the whole problem…..well the problem as it pertains to you. Yes she has her own demons to work through, but we are only focusing on getting Felicity to believe YOU. So now we know the problem, now we can begin to fix it,” Lyla nodded her head.

Everyone went really quiet, maybe lost in their own thoughts of what they went through during that time, feeling sad for their friends, or attempting to come up with a solution.

“Okay brainstorm time. How about honesty? Tell her you love her” Tommy tried.

“No.” Thea, Lyla, and Laurel said in surround sound at the same time. Oliver looked hurt as well as confused.

“Why not? If I tell her….”

“She won’t believe you.” Laurel stated.

“She’s right Ollie. I love you big brother but you already said it once…” Thea tried to be supportive but got annoyed when Oliver cut her off.

“But I MEANT IT!” Oliver snapped. 

“Really? You ‘meant it’? “ Laurel had her lawyer face on, and unfortunately Tommy knew what that meant, it meant Laurel was going to cross examine and show how wrong Oliver was with his own words. He did miss the quick look that Laurel and Thea shared.

“Yes I meant it Laurel”

“I don’t believe you. You are telling me you fell for some IT girl?”

“Yes.”

“Really? Your pre-island days are legendary. Felicity simply isn’t your type”

“I’ve changed” Oliver growled at Laurel.

“No you haven’t. Sure in certain things you have by being a vigilante. But this? No you are the same. You came right back to your womanizing ways as soon as you got back” Laurel countered.

“I felt like I had to be Ollie again for everyone”

“That doesn’t have to include sleeping with all the women you can. And again Felicity was around you for how many years, and all of a sudden you ‘love her’? Doubtful” Laurel gave air quotes for emphasis. Digg looked ready to jump in, but Tommy put a hand on Digg’s arm and shook his head no, silently telling Digg to back off.

“What do you WANT from me Laurel?”

“I want the truth for once in your damn life! Why Felicity? Why HER?! You could be with countless other women, and you have, so why all of a sudden had you stopped to choose her?”  
“She’s my EVERYTHING. She’s my light, my soul, my smile, my laugh…my everything. She helps me to see the best parts in me as well as in the world. She guides me to be a better man and a better hero for this city. She’s my partner who I can always count on. She is the only one who can get me to smile or laugh, and she is so so kind and caring. Incredibly smart and fiercely loyal, and no matter what she always seems to know exactly what is needed or what to say. I can’t lose her. I pushed her away so that at least she could be safe and happy, even if I’m miserable, at least she can be happy. I want that for her. She deserves so much in life, and I know she grew up with a rough start, but dammit I want her to have a good life!”

Everyone is momentarily stunned, but Laurel refuses to take Oliver’s confession as a win. She knows she could stop here and go that it’s a breakthrough that Oliver opened up. She knows she can use this as a starting block for what Oliver could say to help fix what he did. But Laurel doesn’t stop, because in her head she sees Felicity crying and refusing to tell her why she’s crying while knowing it had to deal with Oliver. She sees Felicity with a forced smile when presented with another photo of Oliver and another woman. She sees Felicity loving someone that she feels could never be her’s. Laurel knows this because at one point she was just like Felicity. Laurel got over her past a long time ago, but she uses that anger from her younger self to defend Felicity. “

“Fine I believe you that you love her. So final question, WOULD you have chosen her if you didn’t know about her reaction to the rejection drug? Or would you still be pushing her away?”

The team who was a second ago happy with what Oliver had stated now looked as Oliver began to look at the ground with a resigned look on his face. Digg still looked between sad and pissed, while Tommy and Thea just looked disappointed at Oliver and both even groaned a bit at Laurel’s question.

“Well?” Laurel asked refusing to be deterred from an answer. “I am not helping with anything until I know the whole truth. So would you have tried to be with her like you are now, if you didn’t know about her reaction to the rejection drug and Digg hadn’t filled you in?”

“Probably not……or at least I would hope maybe in the future….”

“She will not wait around for maybes! That’s what those years with you were as soon as she interpreted that you might feel something were all the maybes that she could handle. So what you are telling me is that you love her but would have refused to act on it?”

“……Yes”

“Tell me then. Hypothetically your roles were reversed. Felicity loved you oh SO much, and KNEW that you loved her. She even told you she loved you, but she refuses to acknowledge it or do anything about it. How would you feel? If she told YOU that she loved YOU, but that she would push you away since it’s ‘safer’?”

Oliver’s knees went weak and he used the island for something to hold him up. He knew what would happen, he would be in pain, deep agonizing pain knowing the woman he loves has feelings in return, but she would never act on them. “I’d probably say it was my choice and she was wrong.”

“There you have it. FINALLY you get it!” Laurel looks up to the sky and moves her hands up in a dramatic gesture.

“Write a letter to Felicity” Thea suddenly jumps up as the thought suddenly popped into her head.

“What?” Digg and Tommy look at Thea, obviously not thinking that would be a good strategy.

“Firstly hear me out. I’m not saying this is the ONLY thing that Ollie has to do, but brother, you really suck at speaking from the heart unprompted. Felicity shouldn’t have to give a cross examination like Laurel just did when you are talking to her. So every day you will write her a letter, about everything. How she is making you feel that day, how sorry you are, etc. Any realizations that come upon you that day you write. Writing might be easier to get everything you want to say out. Oooh I have the perfect journal for you to use!” Thea runs across the loft to her room.

“I agree that’s a great idea” Lyla stated and then laughed as Thea raced back down to hand Oliver a gray book that when he opened he only say blank pages.

“So like a journal?” Oliver asked.

“In the service, when we would get letters they were everything as it was our link to the outside world. The world outside of the chaos and mayhem we were experiencing. Sometimes writing letters was the best form of coping with what we would be experiencing, and it allowed for some to express themselves what they could not say. Don’t treat this as a ‘journal’ but as a letter. Describing your emotions, experiences, questions, and anything you can think of.” Digg said and then put a reassuring hand on Oliver’s shoulder.

“For at least a month. Every day” Tommy said while everyone turned to him, but Thea was nodding next to him.

“A month? Why?” Oliver was genuinely confused as to why that amount of time.

“Agreed half-brother of mine.” With that everyone smiles at Thea. “Ollie if you just go up to her and tell her….she will not believe you. Actions will speak louder than words, and your ACTIONS have been telling her that either you don’t love her or you don’t love her enough. By doing this for at least a month, and it can’t be just a few sentences but from the heart! But by doing this for at least a month you are showing her a commitment that she is on your mind every day. She’s a logical and analytical person, at this point something tangible might be your best bet too.” Thea gave Tommy a pat on the head for his good idea while Tommy pretended to bite Thea’s hand and then growled.

“No dating or telling Felicity anything until after the month is up,” Digg crossed his arms and leveled Oliver with a look. “Man I’m proud that you are stepping up and admitting some hard truths, but to be honest? I still want to punch you. So after a month of letter writing or anything else these ladies think up THEN you can attempt to ask Felicity out on a date, but think of this letters as the first hoop to jump through. And by hoop I mean a ring of fire that if you don’t do what you say you will…..then you will get burned…and by that I mean an ass kicking no magic herbs can cure.” Digg then proceeded to point around the room. “(Pointed to himself) Special Forces, (Lyla) ARGUS, (Thea) Speedy, (Laurel) Black Canary, and not to mention Arsenal, Flash, and two assassins, Canary and Heir to the Demon, that have a special place in their heart for Felicity.”

“What about me? I’m dangerous!” Tommy seemed indignant and began to pout while Laurel kissed his head and muttered in his ear “so very dangerous babe.”

Digg stopped for a moment and then smiled, “and Tommy would be able to spill everything to our favorite reporter Iris West regarding all your tales growing up. I bet Tommy knows much more than the press knows….including things your parents had paid money to have it left out of the press?” Tommy then smiles at Digg for having his badass status (at least in Tommy’s head regarding himself) restored.

“Okay okay. Letter writing every day. I….I can do that.” Oliver nods his head happy to have some form of a plan of action now.

“That’s going to be your job at the moment Oliver. Just write every day from the heart. It could be about Felicity or what you want to tell her. It could be your past, the island, what happened that day or what you see in your future. This is your shot, so write every day as if this is last letter you can give her. Now you go and take care of that….well after you shower” Lyla then scrunched up her nose and sniffed which seemed to bring certain levity to the room after being so tense for so long.

“Okay shower then write. Is that it for this meeting? Or are we going to do another one?” Oliver asked before heading to shower.

“That’s it for the moment. I’ll see you tomorrow at QC and then at the Foundry” Digg said after looking at Lyla that their Operation Olicity meeting was over.

“Guys….thanks so much for everything. I know I screwed up, and you helping means a lot” Oliver was truly grateful for his friends, his family.

“Our pleasure bro” Tommy stated.  
“No problem Oliver” Laurel smiled.  
“Anything for you….ooo you are smelly! Shower mister!” Thea had gone to hug Oliver only to stop mid-hug after smelling him. Then she pointed towards the bathroom and even pushed him as he smirked.

Once the shower was running, the girls continued what they had been talking about before Oliver had arrived.

“Perfectly done Laurel that was amazing!” Thea stated. “Did we get it all?”

“Thanks Thea” Laurel gave her a side-hug, happy to help her two friends realize that they are in love with each other.

“Yep that we have it all” Lyla smiled like the cat who ate the canary, then Tommy and Digg frowned.

“Ummm….what are you girls talking about” Tommy asked which Digg then shrugged and shook his head.

“We needed surveillance. Just something for back-up possibly.” Lyla’s response still confused Tommy but Digg began to understand and just hugged his wife. 

“Remind me never to go against you in any mission, your tactical mind is amazing baby” and Lyla laughed as Digg gave her a deep kiss. When Oliver got out of the shower, he realized everyone had left, including Thea, and so he set out to start writing.

 

Monday Aug. 24, 2015  
Felicity,  
I was just cross examined by Laurel about how I feel about you, and I bet my first sentence shouldn’t have been about Laurel. She helped me see that I never told you how I felt, or more explain to you how I feel when I’m with you. You are the bright light and it shines on the darkest parts of me, and yet you are never scared of me, my scars, my anger, or of me at all when I’m at my most out of control. You guide me to be a better man, and that’s what I strive to be while I’m The Arrow, to be a hero and someone you can be proud of- unlike how I was as The Hood in the beginning. When I came back from the island I only saw threats and targets, and even though I was back, my mind was still in survival mode on the island. With you though, you were the first person that I saw as a person, and with the tilt of your head, I smiled for the first time in 5 years. I knew you were special even then, when I came into your office with a bullet filled laptop with a ridiculous lie about a latte, and you were chewing on a red pen, with your bright pink lipstick and hair pulled back into a low ponytail. You were so beautiful and as you started to babble about my father being ‘Mr. Queen’ that’s when I knew you were beautiful inside as well. I don’t have many regrets since I started this mission to save the city. Yes I feel responsible for not saving all of the Glades and for anything bad that has happened to you or my family. Yet my biggest regret would be you. The fact that it took a trick for Slade for me to finally recognize that I love you. I had an idea after Russia when I felt so horrible, guilty, ashamed, and like ‘Ollie’ when you came to my room that day as Isabel was leaving. I meant those words too about not being in a relationship with someone I could care deeply about. I know Sara felt the same way, in that yes we cared for each other but not how I care about you or she feels about Nyssa. If Sara was to die, I would mourn but I would survive. I thought by pushing you away it was guaranteeing not only for you to be safer (which I realize is stupid) but it was also safer for me. If YOU were to die Felicity, I would cease to exist. In no world can I live without you in it. I didn’t have to say the words to convince Slade but in that moment I knew it was true. You always can tell when I’m lying…..you know I told the truth. I should have told you afterward that I meant it, but then I froze. That’s my greatest regret is that I froze when I should have told you I meant it. I froze when I should have kissed you senseless. I froze instead of fighting to show you how much I love you. I froze. I cannot say I’m sorry enough for that one moment in time. This is just the beginning of my many letters to you. I have difficulty saying what’s in my heart, but I know that I can trust you with my heart, my secrets, and my soul. You probably have a ton of questions and so I hope that with each day I’m able to answer everything. With these letters maybe finally I can express what is SO VERY HARD for me to do with you in person.

I love you Felicity Megan Smoak. I always have and always will.

-Your Oliver

 

By the time Oliver finished writing he was emotionally spent as he had been crying when he wrote down his feelings. The pages could be seen as having tear drops messing with the ink, but Oliver didn’t care. This was only the FIRST letter and it already gutted him to the core about what he has done. However, later that week he has to admit that this is a great idea. By writing down everything he feels, he found out that he doesn’t know THAT much about Felicity Smoak. Soon he was able to write things like “I found out your favorite hero was Robin Hood and that you have a poster on your wall”, “you told me you are afraid of kangaroos- so how did that happen?” Or “I asked you if your favorite color was yellow since the majority of your dresses, jewelry and car was yellow. You seemed shocked that I would notice, but I notice everything about you. You said your favorite color is dark green, and all I can think about is you wearing my colors…..” Later entries turned more personal with Oliver discussing his experiences at the island as well as in ARGUS, while also acknowledging his growing information he’s collected on Felicity. “You told me today about your father. How he left and I remember you said that to me long ago when telling me about Thea’s paternity. I never realized how much you put yourself out there when you have been hurt so much. You have such a big heart and such kindness, and I’m sorry that I didn’t keep my promise I made that day. I said you wouldn’t lose me, and that I wouldn’t leave you, but I did when I ran away to the Island and was with Sara. You were always my girl and I was also your man, but I was selfish and couldn’t cope with these intense feelings. So like a coward I left physically to the island and then emotionally pushed you so far away while I was with Sara. I’m no better than your dad and have too have caused you so so so much pain in your life. Instead of telling you about my feelings, I let my fear of your possible death or getting hurt shape my choices, and I never told you this but before Russia- all my nightmares were about you dying by my enemies hands and I was unable to save you. There is deep unending fear that is in me when I think about your safety, but I know now that it is that fear that is making both of us miserable. You are hurting because of me, and I am so truly sorry from the bottom of my soul. I wish I could re-do my choices, mainly in that I took away your choice, your vote, and your voice. I made decisions for both of us, and that wasn’t fair or right…..”

After a month of writing letters, Oliver felt more assured in the idea that Felicity and he could tackle any problem together. In those pages, Oliver was able to remind himself (and Felicity by default) how brave, strong, smart, and tough she is and can be. He knows that with Felicity he would no longer be surviving but LIVING instead. The month has gone by so fast and yet so slow, as Oliver wants to ask Felicity out on a date they should have had long ago. Through his questioning and wanting to know her better, their connection has never been stronger as both have been able to trust each other with their deepest secrets and darkest fears/insecurities. Crime is at its lowest in the city and Oliver feels nervous for asking Felicity out. The whole team knows what day it is (seriously Thea made a countdown calendar and everything- along with digital reminders for everyone minus Felicity) and they can tell Oliver is anxious, nervous, and looking ready to fall from a heart attack. Oliver gave a silent nod for the rest of the team to get the hell out of the Foundry, with: Tommy winks, Roy giving a thumbs up, Thea silently squealing and jumping up and down, Digg crossing his arms and glaring at Oliver while smirking, and finally Laurel who gives a huge smile while doing the universal signs for ‘I’m watching you.” 

As soon as the team left, Oliver went to go get his book filled with the letters he’s written Felicity over the month. He wanted that just in case she needed time to process everything, and to prove that yes he truly cares about her. Hopefully his words would do better than anything he could say. He has the book behind his back, but before he speaks Felicity interrupts.

“Is it okay if I leave early too? I have a friend coming in….well not a friend as in a FRIEND but like a friend of a friend…well in this case it would be more of an acquaintance of a friend….actually if I didn’t know better I’d say it’s a blind date…..though it’s totally not…since my friend learned her lesson a long time ago to never do that to me again if she wants to keep her credit score above 700. Anyway his name is Ray Palmer, he’s a billionaire like you…well not like you but past you…and he’s a genius like me…well not exactly like me- he’s 5 points shy of that, but anyway we are going to dinner while I show him the town. He’s in town for attending a lecture tomorrow in regards to innovative technology and what it could mean in the future.”

Felicity looks to see Oliver appearing to be sick with his face going completely pale.

“Hey are you okay? Oliver is everything alright?”

Oliver does his best to school his features, grips the book extra tight, and someone forces out “I’m good. Go have fun on your date.”

“Well it’s not a date-date….it’s…” Felicity’s babble gets cut off by Oliver.

“Well whatever it is. Have fun. I’ll see you tomorrow,” and Oliver tears a bit and looks longingly as Felicity goes up the stairs away from him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *Hides beneath her comforter*
> 
> PLEASE don't hate me!


	5. The Big Reveal

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is the end of the story. Thank you for all the love and support that you guys have given me. Beware though that I did this story instead of sleeping, since I did promise to get it done for you all by the end of this week. So forgive any horribleness that occurs. I tried to do the story, characters, and you the readers justice. I hope I succeeded in giving this fic a proper ending.

Tommy, Digg, Laurel, Thea, and Roy were all incredibly confused when not 30 seconds later after leaving the Foundry so Oliver could have the privacy to ask out Felicity, did they see Felicity walking fast up the steps. They all shared a look; automatically thinking the worst, but Digg mentioned to the team that Felicity wasn’t crying.

“Hey Felicity where you going? Time for a drink…..I have new wine.” Tommy almost sung the word wine because as enticing as he was trying to be to get Felicity to stay. 

Felicity stopped her speed walking briefly to look at the team who all wore either neutral or curious expressions of their faces.

“Sorry guys, but I gotta go. Taking out a friend of a friend….or he is more an acquaintance…you know what there is no time for a babble. I’ll see you tomorrow!” Felicity practiced ran away out Verdant’s doors leaving only a stunned team to go back down to the Foundry. There they saw Oliver still standing with a heartbreaking look on his face, it was as if he was stuck or in shock, unable to move.

“Oh Ollie…I’m so sorry. What happened?” Thea wanted answers since she had been so excited for Felicity to become her new sister, well more ‘officially’ since in Thea’s mind Felicity already was family.

“Nothing happened. She asked if she could leave early to go out to dinner with….Ray Palmer who’s in town for just tonight. Apparently he’s a friend of a friend or something…..look guys I’m fine. I just need to go…” Oliver then purposefully strolled past the team and went straight to his bike in order to just ride and try to escape the demons that were closing in on him. It had been his choice to originally push Felicity away, and so he has no one to blame but himself. Still, he thought that Felicity had begun to re-consider being with him, after all there had been so many silent communications. 

“That’s it. That’s why,” Oliver mumbled while his bike screeched to a stop on the side of the rode. Then in true Felicity-ish fashion he began to babble out loud in order to help him think. “She doesn’t know. I never told her how much I love her or really I never showed her that I did. I never explained why I love her or what she does for me. I just never talked to her about it…..this is all my fault.” Oliver began to tear up, and then went extra fast on his bike. It wasn’t a surprise that he came upon Felicity’s townhouse. She wasn’t there of course, but he knocked on the door just in case. When he was met with silence then he used the key Felicity gave them all for emergencies and went inside. The emotional drain was too much, and after pacing back and forth for 20 minutes, he passed out on her couch clutching the journal of letters he had written her.

He didn’t hear Felicity when she came back to her place, and definitely didn’t hear her gasp at the intruder on her couch. Felicity tried to call for Oliver gently, but when he wasn’t responding she figured that either something happened or he was really passed out. When she hears a little snore she couldn’t help but be jealous that “of course Oliver has a cute little snore. He can’t even be bad at anything while he’s unconscious. Damn that man and his complete perfection,” she mumbled to herself. When she put a blanket on top of him, that’s when she saw the journal. It had fallen to the floor when he slept, and Felicity picked it up while curiosity burned through her she opened it to see what it was in it. 

“Hopefully not another list again” Felicity whispered. Then she gasped for the second time that night when she read ‘Dear Felicity.’ She raced as quietly as she could to her bedroom and began to read. After reading about the team helping him, guiding him, and frankly demanding he make better choices, Felicity texted Laurel, Thea and Lyla. Felicity couldn’t really talk to Digg or Roy in regards to Oliver and his feelings. Soon the girls began all texting in a group message.

Felicity- Oliver is asleep right now. I came home to find him passed out on the couch. Then found a book that is a bunch of letters to me. He mentioned the team- WTH? What is going on? Just….

Laurel- Keep reading the full journal. None of us have read it but he had planned to give you that tonight.

Thea- Laurel means he planned on asking you out and giving that to you to night as proof that he loves you and has changed. He WANTS to be with you.

Felicity- But…I’m just…I don’t know what to do with this information. I need time to process.

Lyla- Keep reading the full thing. Also I emailed you something that you should see and hear. Headphones are necessary.

Felicity- Headphones?

Laurel- Oh yes headphones. But AFTER reading. Headphones needed to make sure Oliver doesn’t wake up, and it is a BIT loud.

Thea- HAHA Laurel was badass :D

Lyla- No more messages until you finish reading and watch the link in the email.

Felicity- Ok….

Felicity read Oliver’s beautiful words and she KNEW that it was from Oliver’s heart. Felicity understood more of what Oliver had gone through as well as what had been driving his choices to keep them apart. Felicity is a genius after all and had a clue as to what Oliver was doing, but to hear the anguish in his letters was too much. She began to cry silent tears in hopes of not waking Oliver. She couldn’t help herself but to cry/smile and even laugh towards some parts of what Oliver had been observing about her. Even with blurry vision due to her tears in her glasses, Felicity takes a moment and then looks at the email Lyla sent. 

Lyla had titled the email “Proof he meant it” and in the email Lyla wrote that Oliver had NO clue he was been taped or that it was to be shown to Felicity. Lyla said she understood when you are unsure to take the leap of faith to begin something again, and how that self-doubt can be loud and drown out what your heart tells you. Felicity put in her headphones and watched at the Foundry as Oliver’s expression turned dark after she said that the rejection drug couldn’t make her feel worse. Then she watched as Oliver and Digg went to Oliver’s office and Oliver’s reaction to what Digg told him. Though Digg didn’t know everything, Felicity was shocked on how much Digg had picked up on her feelings towards Oliver. She sobbed when Oliver destroyed the office then got wasted. She sobbed louder when she saw the conversation between Tommy and Digg about Oliver’s reactions and decisions regarding her and his relationship. She gasped and was briefly in shock when after Digg yelling at Oliver a LOT, Oliver replied that he was “sure” and was going to fight for her. She was speechless and frozen, though tears in her eyes, when she saw the final clip of the team at the loft. She sobbed loudest when she saw the raw emotion as Oliver fought with Laurel about how much he loved Felicity, and Felicity could tell that the emotions were real and genuine. Felicity jumped when she looked up to see Oliver in her doorway, she must have woken him up while crying and she can see Oliver looking at the opened book.

“Did you mean it? Everything?” Felicity asked so so so very quietly. 

Oliver with glistening eyes of his own walked to the end of her bed and knelt down so they were on the same eye level. With such emotion in his voice he looked at Felicity in the eyes and said, “I meant every word. I….I love you Felicity Megan Smoak. You are IT for me. I intend to fight for you, for us, and even if you date other guys, are unsure about my feelings, or need space- I will give you whatever you need but I WILL fight for us. I should have done this sooner, I NEVER should have pushed you away, and I am so so very sorry for all the pain I caused for you.” 

Felicity was still in shock that THIS was Oliver. The man she thought would never love her enough or love her at all. The man that she had her quiet dreams and wishes and hopes about, was actually HERE and declaring not only his love but that he would continue to fight for them. It was everything she ever wanted.

“Please…PLEASE…tell me I’m not too late,” Oliver voice broke and a tear went down is face even while he was trying desperately to not reach out and wipe away Felicity’s tears.

“Too late?” Felicity was genuinely confused and tilted her head to the side. Making Oliver smirk at the memory of when she did that the first time they met.

“Palmer.” Oliver whispered, and the brief flash of pain, hurt, regret for everything could be seen on his face. Then Oliver began a tentative smile as Felicity shook her head no after he said Palmer.

“No. I mean in some ways he would be perfect, but the fact of the matter is….how could he or any man ever compare to you? You are IT for me Oliver Jonas Queen, and you always will be. No one could ever compare. There is no choice to make…..I love you.”

Oliver immediately took his hands and grabbed her head to bring it close to him, and then he kissed her with all the passion and feelings that he had. In that kiss he tried to convey to Felicity everything he felt and he could tell Felicity was doing the same. When they finally separated due to the need for air, Oliver and Felicity had matching huge smiles. Oliver and Felicity wiped each other’s tears and began to kiss again, except this kiss wasn’t all passion, it was slow and soft kiss filled with love and promise. Promise that they would have a future…..together. Both are so emotionally drained that they begin to yawn and Felicity and Oliver fall asleep on her bed. But before they sleep Felicity pinches herself, with Oliver raising a questioning eyebrow.

“I had to make sure this wasn’t one of my dreams. I needed to make sure this is real” Felicity said while Oliver began to cuddle with her as sleep began descending upon them.

“This is real. It always was and always will be.” Oliver kissed Felicity’s forehead.

“You will be here in the morning?” Felicity asks with a soft voice speaking to how much she nearly will fall asleep, but also one of fear that Oliver could change his mind in the morning.

“Yes Felicity. I’ll be here in the morning, and every morning after that. I love you.” Oliver yawned and right before he fell asleep her heard Felicity answer.

“I love you too. I’ll see you in the morning.” With that both fell asleep with smiles on their faces and cuddled together as if not even sleep could part them now.

Oliver continues to write to Felicity in his journal, but due to her request of the sheer amount of reading required, he writes once a week or more if something special or significant happened. Every year on the anniversary of the day he fought for them and told Felicity how much he loved her, every year he gives her a new journal with new entries. Every night, no matter how tired or exhausted, before they go to bed- they will tell each other that they love each other and will see them tomorrow morning. They always mention the next day as a reminder that they have a future together, and that their love is real and lasting. Oliver ends every journal (before handing it to Felicity) with a simple sentence “It IS real and I will always continue to love you.”

**Author's Note:**

> Reviews and Comments seriously make me feel better than chicken soup!


End file.
